Three Words to Describe Dave

Last week Dave and I were in NYC for a few days. If you’re thinking to yourself, “Why didn’t she end that first sentence with an exclamation point because NYC!”, I’ll tell you why. We were there for me to get scanned, which I have to do every four months for a few years. So, yeah, no exclamation point. BUT, per usual, my amazing husband somehow made a trip that could have been all about stress and worry into, instead, a trip that was filled with diversionary events that made the stress almost disappear! Yes, that sentence demanded an exclamation point. 

We went to a Yankees game, via the subway. (Hey, NYC, for being the tourist mecca that you are, your subway maps and instructions need some serious work--I’ll address this fiasco in a future post.) We saw Giancarlo Stanton hit a home run! We saw Judge get a nice hit. We explored the stadium during the two hour rain delay :) 

We went to the Met and saw Shaker furniture, some intriguing modern art and even a couple of Botticellis and Van Goghs. 

We had dinners that were up there in our top ten list of meals we’ve eaten. And at one of these dinners, the night before my doctor’s appointment, Dave started a kind of game that proved to be the perfect antidote to my mind wandering down rabbit holes.

He asked me what three words would I use to describe him. And three words to describe each of our kids. And our siblings. And our parents. It was a task that required some serious thought on more than a few different levels. It was a great distraction that sparked thoughtful, fun and spirited conversation. It was the perfect diversion. 

We spent a good portion of our meal describing everyone in our immediate family, and rationalizing to each other why we chose each word, because we did not choose the same words, and yet we agreed that the words we each chose all were quite apt. 

So I want to share three words that I think epitomize Dave. This is not easy to do, by the way, because Dave defies limited descriptors. He’s got a staggering amount of character. By no means is Dave limited to these three words, just sayin’. 

Devoted. My six foot six husband has a heart the size of his height, and his heart is owned by his kids. As they say in baseball, ownage is ownage. There is nothing he would not do for them. They are the light of his life. You can hear it when he talks about them and you can see it when he is with them. 

And as Dave reads this for the first time, right about now he’ll be thinking, “Hey, don’t forget that you (me) are the light of my life, too.” I’m not saying this because I’m all that. I’m saying this because I know how he feels, and I have no doubt in my mind that I am his number one priority. That’s not to say that the kids are not his number one priority. Of course they are, too. But they are adults, living independently. When they need something, they are absolutely the priority. But it’s somewhat few and far between these days that the kids need something (kudos to me and Dave for raising kids who have strong problem-solving skills) . They are off being grown-ups making their own decisions, as it should be. And this past year has... (I’m searching for the right word here and I want to say evinced,  except that evinced means revealed, and it’s not that I didn’t already know this, it’s that it re-evinced, which is not a word... still searching...) Okay, going with re-evinced (yes, I’m going with a word I just invented). So let me start that whole sentence over so you can understand it, because that was not the best example of clarity.

This past year has re-evinced Dave’s devotion to me. During a time that could have crushed the spirit of almost any spouse, it did the opposite to Dave. Every time the situation got more difficult, and I would start to feel despondent, Dave would reinvigorate me with love and optimism and tenacity. He did not even blink when it came to putting my needs first. It was just second-nature to him. In hind-sight, I can very clearly see the fact that he has always put my needs first, before his. His devotion has been constant for the past twenty-six years. 

So that was my first word to describe Dave, in case my lengthy explanation of that made you forget what I was doing in the first place. 

My second word was wise. I chose that word very specifically. It doesn’t mean the same thing as smart. It means so much more than smart. It means having good judgement. It means having experience and learning from experience. It means listening well and being able to discern what is important. It means being able to see the big picture and seeing more than one move ahead. It means being able to see options for response, instead of just seeing one narrow path. Let me illustrate how to use this in a sentence so you will best understand my gist: I am smart. Dave is wise. 

My third word was... actually, I think I came up with a few, but the one I’m going to go with here is confident. Confident is not an easy thing to be. Most people I know are not confident. We all doubt our abilities. We are uncertain of our talents. We are apprehensive to try things at which we are not sure we will succeed. It’s not that Dave never doubts himself. It’s just that he never lets his doubt get in the way of what he wants or needs to accomplish. He is confident he will do his best at whatever he does. His effort is never less than one-hundred percent, and he doesn’t dwell on failure because he knows he will get better if he continues to try. He is not afraid or hesitant to try, and try again. His confidence is contagious, and I’m so grateful for it. 

I am so grateful for him.