The Royal "We"

I swear this blog is not going to be forever about the crap that's going on right now, but since the crap that's going on right now is somewhat inescapable for me, indulge me. Please. Especially this particular post.

Are you familiar with the "royal we"? This is when people of high station (like monarchs) refer to themselves in the plural instead of the singular. "We are not amused," Queen Victoria is supposed to have said to someone about something she didn't like. Since we do not have a monarchy in this country we don't hear this type of speech very often, and consequently when someone does employ it that person is often mocked for it, as if he is aspiring to something beyond his station.

I have been using it rather a lot lately. When someone asks how I am doing, I say something like, "We're doing okay. This is hard, and we didn't see it coming, but we are making our way through it." When anyone queries about chemo protocol, my reply is along the lines of, "We have an infusion on Monday, and then a week later we'll have the second one."

I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. I have no aspirations to royalty. But even though I'm the one with the diagnosis, this is not happening just to me. This is happening to me and Dave. Of course it's also happening to Steven and Olivia and my parents and my brothers and my cousin and my best friend... I could go on. But on a daily basis, from sunrise to sleepless nights and everything in between, it's me and Dave, 24/7.

So when I say "We have chemo tomorrow," I mean Dave and I have chemo tomorrow. It's me who gets the drugs, but it's Dave who gets up in the morning with me and makes sure I take my meds and makes me breakfast and packs a bag of snacks. He drives me there. He sits with me and holds my hand. He refills my drink. He checks if I'm doing ok. He tells me I'm doing great.

And when someone asks me how I'm doing and I say "We're tired but staying positive and we're doing ok," I mean I'm tired from the drugs and Dave is exhausted from doing the shopping, the cleaning, the laundry, the cooking and the constant positive reinforcement it takes to keep me from dissolving into a puddle of tears on a regular basis. We stay positive because Dave is a never-ending font of affirmation and visualization and encouragement.

I don't know how anyone could go through this alone. It's a lot to process physically and mentally.

I can't begin to imagine the state I'd be in if it weren't for Dave, if he weren't so willing but also so insistent upon taking such great care of me. Of us.

So I will continue to employ the "royal we" not out of a desire to be someone I'm not, but out of a deep appreciation and gratitude and love for a man who demonstrates every day with his words and his actions that he is with me every step of the way.