WOW!

Why are everyone's pants so tight?
Can you put your phone down for just a few minutes?
Girls' shorts are just too short these days.  It leaves nothing to the imagination.
Those boys are going to have hip problems wearing those pants so low and trying to keep them on.
That's not a homecoming dress.  That's a cocktail dress.  You're too young for cocktails.
Too many piercings.
Too many tattoos.
Why on god's green earth would anyone want a gauge in their ear? It just looks gross.
We rode our bikes everywhere, or we walked--you kids drive or are driven everywhere.
I know it's only nine o'clock.  I'm still going to bed.

I don't have much commentary to add to this.  It's just a list of things I've caught myself saying the the last couple of months.

Somewhere along the way I turned into a cranky old lady.

I'm going to work on it.  I can change.  I can be positive.  Here goes:

Wow, I could never pull off pants that tight.  You're lucky you have such a great figure.
Wow, that phone is so small it's as if you can use it and not even realize you're using it.
Wow, those shorts really make you look like you have long legs.
Wow, it's gravity defying how low his pants are,  yet he can keep them from falling all the way down.
Wow.  You look very mature in that dress.
Wow, how did you find someone who would pierce that?
Wow, your psychiatrist must love you.
Wow, do you love the way it looks, or were you just trying to piss off your parents? (sorry, I couldn't find anything positive to say about the whole gauge thing)
Wow, you kids are lazy.  (again, I tried but failed to find a positive spin on that one)
Wow, I've been up for sixteen straight hours!  I'm going to bed.

Not bad.  I can do this.  It's just going to require a lot of sentences beginning with Wow!