Hey there--
You probably can't hear me right now, but I'm going to keep talking because I can definitely hear you. You're on your cell phone. You're talking to your friend who wants you to come to her house today. I couldn't quite catch why she wants you to come to her house, but she's worried about you--I did catch that. You told her not to worry about you. You're on your way to another friend's house and you're stopped here, in the Barnes and Noble, because it's raining. It's raining hard, and you're not comfortable driving in the rain, so you just pulled over here in Gilroy--you think you're in Gilroy but you don't actually sound that sure--and ducked into this bookstore to wait out the storm. Lucky thing that you're only going to Monterey, which is not so far away at this point. You're an early-riser on Sundays. You're an early-riser on Sundays. You're an early-riser on Sundays. Yes, you did mention that three times during the conversation. So it's just so fortunate that you were on the road early and got as far as you did before the rain let loose, because as you already said but felt the need to say again you don't really like driving when it's raining.
I could go on. And on.
This conversation, spoken not in the hushed whisper of someone on the phone in a completely inappropriate place but rather in the more-than-audible range of someone unaware that they are on the phone in a completely inappropriate place, lasted over ten minutes. I tried moving to various locations within the store to escape it, but the woman was talking so loudly that there really just wasn't anywhere to go. Have you been in a Barnes and Noble? They're big! That's how loudly she was talking!
I left the store before the conversation ended. I did not say anything to the woman. But in my mind, this is what I wanted to say, ever-so-politely:
"Hey there-- I'm not sure if you realize but I think people can hear both sides of your conversation. I wasn't sure if you wanted it to be private or not, so just wanted to mention it to you in case there was personal information you didn't want others hearing. Sorry to bother you. Have a great day."
And just for ducks, let me tell you what I wanted to say, ever-so-not-politely:
"Hey--cut that shit out. Either go outside to talk on your phone or talk more softly. None of us want or need to hear your conversation. There aren't that many bookstores left and I don't get to them as often as I would like and you're ruining my otherwise peaceful bookstore experience. Cut that shit out NOW!"
And truly, either way, I would have said it in my most sincere voice.
But I didn't. Because even though I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong by hearing her conversation (no one could have avoided it), I just wasn't sure how my attempt at courtesy would be taken--because it was unclear to me whether or not she had any concept of courtesy.
So I chickened out.
Would you have said something? Would it have been okay to have said something? Would it have been rude on my part? Would I have been hailed a hero by the other customers?
So many questions about this, and about our individual behavior within a society. It seems like we should all be able to address one another politely if we have an issue. And if addressed politely, we should be able to respond politely.
And yet... there is enough evidence showing that's not how it's going to go down that issues go unaddressed. Behaviors go unchecked. Fear wins.
How long before it's going to be completely acceptable for people to carry on full-volume conversations on their cell phones at the gym, in the market, in the library, at a table in a lovely restaurant? I'm not saying it doesn't go on now. It does--all the time. But people notice it. It's not widely accepted. It's not the norm.
But norms change.
Where is the line between my rights and the next person's rights? And even if we disagree on that line, can we still have a civil conversation about it when one or both of us might walk away from the discussion on the losing end, so to speak?
Talk amongst yourselves... politely. It's a conversation worth having.
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