Lessons Learned

This morning I completed the last run of my marathon training.

I decided to run the three miles sans music so that I could contemplate what I have learned over the course of the last three months Here is a round-up of the thoughts and conclusions that went through my brain in the thirty-three minutes and fifty-seven seconds that it took me do the run.

It’s okay to ask for help. I tell my kids that all the time, but I realized as I thought about it that I resist offers of help and asking for help more often than not. I don’t know why I do that. At least that’s what I told myself as I was running, but then I decided that’s probably not really true, and I had two and a half more miles to go, so why not try to figure out why I do that. So I thought about it some more and came to the conclusion that part of it is I like to accomplish things by myself if I can--it makes me feel like I have a little more control over the results and (this was more the epiphany) if I fail it’s all mine and no one else has to feel badly about it. I don’t want to slow others down--in this case both literally and figuratively. Note to myself: if someone is offering help, they are doing so with full knowledge of what that means for them, so accept help more graciously.

Okay, one lesson learned and still miles to go. What else had I figured out?

While training for this marathon, I did a lot of the long runs alone due to scheduling conflicts with my running mates. Now let me be clear--I actually do enjoy running alone. I’m not great at talking and running at the same time. It exhausts me. And I like to listen to music while I run, and if you run with people it seems kind of rude to just tune them out. But since I was trying to assess what I’d learned, I thought that perhaps there might be a bit more to my proclivity for solo running so I gave myself a mile to figure it out.

It didn’t take the whole mile. It all circled back to my previous epiphany regarding not slowing other people down, more specifically me not wanting to feel responsible for derailing my friends’ long runs with my potentially bad run. To be fair to myself, I also do actually really and truly enjoy running by myself, so it’s not completely about my fear that I’ll devastate a friend’s training momentum. But it’s there.

Note to myself: learn to run (and work in general) with others more readily, and also don’t assume that failure would automatically be my fault. Also, reassess my definition of failure. Just because a long run goes slower than expected does not mean you didn’t get the long run done!

This was getting kind of fun, analyzing myself. I wasn’t even two miles in and felt like I might have a bright future in psychiatry if this whole running thing didn’t pan out.

The remainder of Mile Two was spent contemplating the joyful recognition that I might just be the luckiest girl in the world. This is not really news to me. But it’s a lovely way to pass a mile--thinking about how much unconditional emotional support I get from my husband, my kids, my parents, my brothers and my friends. Not once did anyone (except me) express any doubt that I could, at the end of all this, run 26.2 miles. That’s the most amazing thing, and I am beyond grateful for that. Dave, especially, was a constant source of encouragement and confidence. When I did my eighteen mile run (by myself), he was standing outside our house clapping and cheering me in as I came down the block at the end. That’s what doing this training felt like all the way through--like I had my own personal cheering squad reminding me how strong I was.

Mile three had me thinking about the fact that I guess I am simultaneously a commitment-phobic as well as a goal-driven person. It’s an odd combination. I can stare at the online registration form for a half-marathon for a solid ten minutes. I have filled out entire forms, including credit card payment information, only to then press “command quit” and erase it all. I have done this multiple times with the same registration. And I do this on a fairly regular basis, not just for runs. It takes some serious soul searching for me to press the actual or metaphorical “send” button on almost anything--airline tickets, forms for volunteer activities, invitations to social engagements--almost anything. However, once I do press the button, there’s an end-goal and I am all in for the duration.

As Dave has pointed out to me numerous times, I am happiest when I am working towards something concrete. In absence of that, I end up without a routine, without a direction,  without consistency, and this is especially true with my running. All that training that I have built up so many times usually ends up disappearing and I have to start all over building up my endurance with each new event. I have run sixteen half-marathons, and I think after most of them I have said the words, “This time I’m going to continue running so that all this progress doesn’t disappear.” And after probably thirteen of those I have not followed through and all that progress went up in smoke and I had to start from scratch with my training. Note to self: apparently I need to set a new goal BEFORE I have completed the previous goal--something to keep me moving forward.

Mile three came to an end. Training completed! What was the takeaway, overall?

Say “yes” more readily when opportunity comes along, accept help more readily when it is offered, think about the possibility that I could contribute to someone’s success instead of automatically assuming that I might drag them down, try to always have a goal (or two or three) that I’m working toward, and appreciate that I am surrounded by people who want to see me succeed.

I haven’t even run the marathon and already I feel like I won!