OMMMMM with five M's

Sometimes you find yourself doing unexpected things.

There I was, taking a deep breath and exhaling "OMMMMM..." to begin a yoga class. The instructor said something along the lines of "let us begin our practice by making the sound of all creation..." I'm paraphrasing. But I don't think I'm far off.

Now, you know me. I know you do. Because honestly there's just not that many of you that (a) know about this blog and also (b) read it. So if you're anywhere on that venn diagram, anywhere at all, you know me. So picture me chanting OMMMMM. Better yet, picture me buying the idea that OMMMMM (yes, that's spelled with five M's for the purposes of this blog and I'm sticking with it for consistency) is the sound that, apparently, all creation makes.

I am, by nature, a somewhat sarcastic person. I've been known to mock. I've told Pope jokes in the Vatican (seriously, I have). I've invented a radio show called, "Wake Up, It's Hitler!" (just the title--no actual scripts were produced). If there's something screaming to be lampooned, I'm happy to accommodate.

So, yoga. Calm, quiet, tranquil yoga. Poor, defenseless yoga.

I cannot honestly say that I didn't bow my head to hide my smirk the first time I sat through an OMMMMM. Sorry about that. Couldn't help it. It just seemed kind of a hippy dippy thing to let out an OMMMMM, and I was also slightly skeptical that it was, in fact, the sound the whole universe makes. Was there scientific data to back up that theory? I do remember, though, being impressed that everyone (except me, apparently) in that room wholeheartedly exhaled their OMMMMM with satisfaction. I hadn't expected that. It was memorable. Scientific data be damned.

Also, still at that first yoga class, I may or may not (definitely not) have participated in the traditional conclusion wherein everyone puts their hands to their hearts, bows their heads, and says "Namaste", which means 'I bow to you'.

I don't know why I didn't do these things. I think a part of me was afraid people in the class would see me and think I was a poser who clearly had never been to yoga before but was pretending to know what I was doing. This was NOT the case, by the way, because when you say OMMMMM (yes, still five M's, count 'em) and when you say Namaste you have your eyes closed, so no one would have even seen me and in all likelihood would not have mocked me even if they had because they are better people than I am and probably would never make fun of the Pope in the Vatican.

Also, if I'm being honest, I didn't participate because it seemed silly. I didn't get it, and I wasn't making much of an effort to try to get it. I was there to get a workout, not find my place in the universe.

I mocked a lot, I mean A LOT, of yoga stuff those first few classes.

There was a gong. That got rung. I mean, come ON!
We were asked to set an "intention"--what we wanted to get out of the class. I wanted to get yoga out of the class-- why else would I be here?
There was incense. Because nothing is more delightful during a workout than the smell of burning patchouli.
We ended class lying flat on our backs for four solid minutes in "savasana", which it is worth noting is the 'corpse pose'. Yes, you end yoga class pretending you are dead.

I really, really do not think anyone can blame me for my satirical reaction. In a discourteous world, yoga practically BEGS to be ridiculed.

But that's the thing. When you're in the yoga studio, you're not in a discourteous world. You're in a refuge. You're in a sanctuary-- of your own making. You can mock. Or you can surrender.

I surrendered. Which is not usually my thing. I found, however, that while I was ridiculing "poor, defenseless" yoga for being so daffy and dippy, yoga was actually kicking my ass.

I'm a decently athletic, in-shape person, but I couldn't do even half of the moves in a "basics" class. I wasn't flexible enough. I wasn't coordinated enough. I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't calm enough. I was not enough of anything that yoga required. Pretty humbling. And after a few classes it got increasingly hard to mock something that was clearly getting the better of me, mentally and physically.

Thus, the surrender. I decided to attempt an embrace of the entirety of yoga--including what I previously referred to as the hippy, dippy stuff-- to see if I could improve my practice.

I took a deep breath and let out an OMMMMM. Oddly soothing, it turns out.
I set my "intention", which was to try as hard as I could to do all the moves and feel the strength I had, instead of worrying about the strength I had yet to build.
I tried to figure out the gong. Not going to lie. Didn't get anywhere with that. But I tried.
Also, not super into the incense. Just yuck.
Savasana (the dead pose) became my favorite part of class. Instead of derisively wondering for four minutes what the point was of spending that much time doing nothing in a class I was paying for, I cleared my mind. I quieted my body. At least, I tried to. It's really not as easy as it might seem. Try lying down (not when you're sleepy--that's cheating) all the way flat, palms to the ground, eyes closed--and see where your mind goes. See if you can stop it from going there. See if, instead, you can direct your mind to a calm space (oh, dear god, yes, yes I hear myself--you may mock me, you have my permission). It's hard! And then (and yes, again, yes I hear this but I'm saying it anyway because you probably at some point in your life told Pope jokes in the Vatican and need a little comeuppance) feel your body, lying flat. Try to lie perfectly still. Really, really still, and feel where your body touches the ground.

This sounds so stupid. I get it. But the thing is, if you do it with a mind open to the experience instead of with a brain trying to legitimize it, it's something. I can't very eloquently articulate what that something is, other than to say you feel like you have power over yourself. And that IS something.

I'm still working on my yoga. And my sarcasm. When the instructor yesterday told us that she would be "gently guiding" us through the next hour, I think I raised my eyebrows and amused myself by picturing me telling my seventh grade students that I would be "gently guiding" them through sixth period World History. Clearly I still have some work to do on my non-judgy acceptance of all things yoga.

But I do chant the OMMMMM now (although jury is still out on its significance in the universe). I smile when the gong is struck (possibly to stifle my smart-alecky impulses, but I do smile and that's never a bad thing in the end). I attempt all the moves, even the ones I know I cannot do well or perfectly, and allow myself the gratitude for achievement and the room for improvement. And as mentioned earlier, Savasana is the pose I love most. Not because I get to rest (although yes, that's helpful because again as I mentioned earlier, yoga kicks my ass). Almost the opposite. I love it because I am completely in control of my mind and body. I can do that now. I get it.

If you've never tried yoga, I recommend giving it a go. Go get yourself some cute LuLu Lemon capri leggings and a tank top (I'm not being sexist--that's pretty much what everyone wears regardless of sex, at least in my class). Roll out a mat and plop yourself down.

If you listen carefully you may (or may not) hear the sound made by all creation :)