The Launch Party

There are a myriad of celebrations that we share with our family and friends. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Retirements. Marriages. Quinciñeras. Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Births. Graduations.

All of the parties that accompany these many commemorations are, generally, thrown by family or friends for the person/people being fêted. Rarely do we throw our own bash.

I have a brand new shebang to add to the list. 

It's a Launch Party. As in you are launching your kid out into the adult world and celebrating your own newfound freedom.
Parents throw it for themselves.

This is no debutante ball. Because first of all, ick. Second of all, parading around in a large white gown does nothing to denote how ready you are for the world except to say that yes, you might indeed look good in a wedding dress. Double ick on the visual messaging, debutante people. 

No no. The Launch Party (patent pending) is a parental celebration, the basis of which is to tell your family and friends, "Hey! My kid is officially out of the house. I'm going to turn my kid's room into a home gym,  cut off the health insurance AND take 'em off our phone bill! We're going to save thousands and with this extra infusion of cash we are going to finally remodel our master bathroom!"

Or, you know, tailor it to your own specifications. 

You can register your Launch Party (patent pending) at Target or Bed Bath and Beyond or, if you're classy, Crate & Barrel. You ARE remodeling your bathroom, so what will you need? Some new towels? Some new sink accessories? Or maybe a sleek electronic scale or some yoga mats for your new home gym? The possibilities are endless, plus it's just super fun to walk around with that little barcode beeper creating your registry.

You deserve this!

I'm picturing possible themes for your Launch Party. Perhaps you go with the obvious rocket blasting in an upward trajectory. Positive. Encouraging. Nice.  If not a little lacking in cleverness.

Or maybe you go with a boat theme (because boats are launched, right?), and your boat is a yacht because yes, you are launching your kid but also you are launching yourself into a new life and why shouldn't that new life be represented by a 40 foot luxury marine investment? This is a good theme. It's confident. It says you're ready to begin something new and very expensive but you get to spend the money on YOU. Also the party decoration ideas are endless. Everyone gets to wear a captain's hat! You can afford all those hats just with the money you saved not paying your kids' Uber charges for a month (yes, you are cutting off their access to your Uber account).

I think it's long overdue that it be okay to throw yourself a party to celebrate a milestone event, and what's more milestone than not just your kids achieving independence, but you achieving independence? It's a double-whammy.

You spent decades throwing parties for others. A LOT of parties for others. Treat yourself to a little something for you. Pop the champagne, send out the Launch Party invites to family and friends, and be the envy of EVERYONE for making this bold move.

Dream Jobs

At one time I dreamed of being a Washington D.C. journalist. The host of Meet the Press perhaps. MSNBC's Road Warriors--those five intrepid bad-ass female reporters during the first Trump campaign--I wanted to be one of them.
I've also wanted, in more recent times, to be a travel blogger. Because travel. And writing. And food.
I'd like to host a cooking show. I wouldn't be good at it. I'd actually be really, really bad at it. But it would be fun. And it would be funny. And you would laugh and probably enjoy my stories about the food I'm making while simultaneously enjoying the idiot I'd be making out of myself on camera.
A book reviewer! Imagine being paid to read novels. And then tell people what you think. I mean COME ON! What's not dream-job about THAT?
I used to think I'd love being a movie reviewer, a la Siskel and Ebert. But that might just take the joy out of movies for me. I immensely enjoy the movie theatre experience. I love the big comfy seats. I enjoy the previews. A giant bucket of buttered popcorn is non-negotiable. I don't think I would really want to take a notepad with me. I also don't want to actively look for flaws in movies. I know they're there. You know they're there. But that's not what I want my focus to be. I just want to watch the movie, I guess. So I'll cross that one off the list.
One time I got to (because I asked!) collect the trash on a Southwest flight, so technically I guess I have been a flight attendant. It was pretty fun. I'll check that one off the list.
I've taken a few walking food tours and walking history tours in various cities, and I think I would have a lot of fun guiding those. Probably more so the walking history tours. I noticed on the food tours the guides don't actually eat most of the foods. I want to eat ALL of the foods. So yeah, I'll stick to guiding the historical walks and just continue to be a customer on the food walks.
I think being a bartender would be fun (for a few hours). I have a really, really (I mean REALLY) bad memory, so I would be really, really (I mean REALLY) bad at taking multiple drink orders, getting the drinks actually correct, and then delivering them to the actual people who ordered them. So bartending would be fun for me but probably not so fun for the people waiting for their drinks.
I'd like to be the counter help at a tiny little bakery where everything is made in-house. How great it would be to watch people pick out delicious pastries and breads and then send them off on their way to enjoy them? That would be a joyful job I think.
I'd love to try acting. It looks fun. And hard. Not sure I could memorize the lines. But it looks like a great challenge. Performing on Broadway would be just beyond amazing, right? Or performing Sorkin in any setting.
Just my random thoughts on jobs that sound intriguing. No greater point to be made. The end.