Please consider this my formal announcement that I will be running for the Senate seat that is being vacated by Barbara Boxer in 2016.
If you have a campaign slogan suggestion for me, I am open to ideas. In fact, I am open to everything. I am open to opinions. I am open to changing my opinion. I am open to not even having an opinion.
My game plan for my campaign at this point is to be perfectly honest. That's it. So here it is:
I am running for the California Senate seat because if I win, I will have blow-your-mind levels of healthcare for me and my family for the rest of my life. That's a pretty big perk. It's worth the hassle of running in my opinion.
Here's how this is going to work, and if I may say so I think it's rather brilliant. I'm being very candid about my motivation for running. I want great healthcare. Congress gets great healthcare. So I want to be in Congress. I realize this isn't the most inspirational reason to run for office. I guess I could say that I'm running to help America move forward. That sounds so much better. But that's what everyone who runs says. And then they get there and they really don't appear to be doing much to help America move forward. Honestly, there's not even much lateral movement at this point. It's all going backward. Or downhill. Or some direction that is decidedly not forward. Rather than tell you I'm going to do something and then disappoint you by not doing it, I'm just going to tell you what I know for sure. I know for sure I want great healthcare.
As far as my stance on important issues, of which there are many, I've decided not to have any. Stances, that is. I definitely have issues (but don't we all?).
For instance, ISIS. They're bad. I think we can all agree on that. We should try to defeat them, absolutely. Should we put troops on the ground? I'm not really sure. It might be a good idea. It might be the only way to get it done. Or it might be a terrible idea. We might not have the manpower to directly engage on another front. I promise to give it serious thought.
Vaccination. Very relevant issue. My whole family is vaccinated. I definitely would vaccinate. I think it's a great idea. But if you don't want to vaccinate, tell me why. I'll listen. I might even agree with some of your points. It might not be a good idea to require vaccinating. Or it might be essential that we require vaccinating. I'm not quite sure.
Taxes. We definitely need them to keep the whole government thing going. Some people pay more because they earn more. Is that fair? It might be. Or it might not be. Are you conservative? If so, I just want to say that I think it's possibly not right to be taxing rich people more money. Possibly. Lower taxes could encourage people to work more and spend more. Are you liberal? I just want to add that it seems like the income gap is rising and we might want to look into higher taxes for higher income earners. Might. Just an idea. Not written in stone.
You get the idea. I'm not taking any definite stands that I might have to uphold (or might choose to reverse) should I be elected. That just wouldn't be fair to you, the voter. The cardinal sin in politics is breaking your campaign promises. So I'm not making any. Except this one: I will only serve one term in government service. Not because of any stand I am taking on term limits (remember--I'm not taking any stands on anything). I am only serving one term because that's all that's required to get blow-your-mind levels of healthcare for the rest of my life.
I think I am in good company with my campaign plan. I've been watching the current field of Republican candidates jockeying for the 2016 nomination.
If I didn't know better I'd think they broke into my headquarters and stole my game plan.
